Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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