I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
