He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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