Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
