i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize