All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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