I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I cockslap morals
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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