remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize