1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
