Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
