Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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