i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
