I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
