Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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