I'm gonna have a badass scar
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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