I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
