SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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