I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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