No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
