I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
