worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
