Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
