Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
