If you die in college, do you die in real life?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
