The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize