I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
