The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
