Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
