their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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