I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
