Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize