maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
