i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
