Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Everything about him screamed your future.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
