im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
