ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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