Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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