His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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