I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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