i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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