just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
