its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
