he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
