So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
