me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
