Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
