you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
