Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
