I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
