I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize