I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
