I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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