i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
