I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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