fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
