I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
