Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
