I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
