go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
