Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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