I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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