At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
