God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
