Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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