Your dad touched me again.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
