the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
