Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
