I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
