And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
