I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Randomize
