So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
